Sunday, December 09, 2007
Dinesh D'Souza
I have just started reading a book by Dinesh D'Souza. His father Allan D'Souza shared the gospel with my mum while she was working in Mumbai years ago and his uncle Terry D'Souza was instrumental in my dad's conversion.
Hes has written a very interesting article in The San Diego Tribune about how atheists are unable to explain why religious affiliation is growing worldwide. Here is an excerpt....I would recommend ypu to read the entire article here.
''Now imagine two groups of people – let's call them the Secular Tribe and the Religious Tribe – who subscribe to these two world views. Which of the two tribes is more likely to survive, prosper and multiply? The Religious Tribe is made up of people who have an animating sense of purpose. The Secular Tribe is made up of people who are not sure why they exist at all. The Religious Tribe is composed of individuals who view their every thought and action as consequential. The Secular Tribe is made up of matter that cannot explain why it is able to think at all.''
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A lion and monkey funny
In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more
than 1 kg of meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered, when one day a US Zoo
Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion
to US Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a
goat or two every day.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed
very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to
see that it contained few bananas. The lion thought that may be they cared
too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently
shifted from India .
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food
bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,
'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with
your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas
to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the
jungle, but you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!! '
Moral of the Story....
BETTER TO BE A LION IN INDIA THAN A MONKEY ELSEWHERE
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007
People!!! You just can't beat 'em!
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
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Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Teaching English...contd
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
GO FIGURE! That's American English.
unlike Sanskrit english made its own rules of pronounciation & Grammar in a different way based on the words derivated from
example CH is pronounced as ka wen the word is derived from greek example
character = karakter
CH is pronounced as sha wen the word is from french
ex champagne,chatea
similarly with singulars & plurals.
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Sunday, August 26, 2007
Teaching English...contd
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) Cool At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
1Cool After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
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Teaching English...sigh!
I have been teaching a ESL class for the last few weeks in our church. English is probably the most sought after language that everybody wants to learn - mainly to take advantage of the many job openings that list speaking English as a prerequisite.
My method is mainly trial and error...since I never made a conscious effort to learn English. But now I too am forced to learn the correct 'rules' of English. But there are some things that just stump me. I happened to have an email in my inbox that kind of illustrates the point. Any feedback would be appreciated especially on tips as to how I can improve my teaching.
Here goes with the email...
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Today is Independence Day!
Today India celebrates her 60th Independence Day. What is also great is that it is a public holiday.
I started the day with a football match with my students. Its been so long since I have actually played any competitive sport that my legs felt wooden out there on the field. But after some time I warmed up and enjoyed a great game of football...we won of course!
Then we had a small flag hoisting ceremony in school attended by students and staff. I am of the opinion that the British did contribute a lot to our country, both spiritually and materially even though they explioted us in many ways too. But self rule is a dream of every society.
After the ceremony I was back home and then we decided to watch Pirates of the Caribbean (did I spell it right?)- all three parts- as a family. I stuck through two of the movies and found them passable- nothing to go ga-ga over- though I must admit, the score was decent.
All in all I would say it was a well spent day but.....
Now I am off for the best part - my QT with the Father.
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Sunday, July 29, 2007
We shall gather at the river...???
From an email...
A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor:
"If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river."
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it
and throw it in the river."
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and the rum in the world,
I'd take it all and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
After the sermon the preacher sat down.
The deacon stood up: "For our closing hymn," he announced,
"let us turn to page 126 and sing,
'We Shall Gather at the River.'"
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Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Hope for despairing parents!
Received this in an email...
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
"DON'T!"
"Don't what?"
Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "
said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "
said the Father.
"I don't know,"
said Eve.
"She started it! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly
tried to give children wisdom
and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO PANADOL"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
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Saturday, July 14, 2007
The squirrel problem!
from an email I got...
There were Five country churches in a small TEXAS town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church , the
Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do
about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they Determined that the squirrels
were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's
divine will..
In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the
baptistery and drown the squirrels in it.
The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice
as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a
position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the
Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the
squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic CHURCH came up with the best and most effective
solution.
They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one
squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't
seen a squirrel on the property since.
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