Soli Deo Gloria

From Matt McGhee "Economics- In terms of the Good, the Bad and the Economist"

A few classic definitions

Socialism: You have two cows. The state takes one and gives it to someone else.

Communism: You have two cows. The state takes both of them and gives you milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The state takes both of them and sells you milk.

Nazism: You have two cows. The state takes both of them and shoots you.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The state takes both of them, kills one and spills the milk in the sewer.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Extreme Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and force the remaining one to produce the milk of four cows. You are shocked when the cow dies.

Good Samaritan

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She
described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the
drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"  A thoughtful
little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

Did Noah fish?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a
lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"  "No," replied David. "How could
he, with just two worms?"

Higher Power

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how
powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher
power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"

Moses and the Red Sea

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy
lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got
to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people
walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.
They sent bombers to blow
up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that
really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom.
But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!"

The Lord is my Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the
most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a
month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he
just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get
past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
congregation, Rickey was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Read on a t-shirt

"Ham and Eggs... a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig." 

A lot of people have been asking me or my parents as to when I intended to get married. I got an sms the other day that I thought was really hilarious, though I am grateful that it hasn't got as bad!

 It goes like " Old people used to annoy me at weddings by pinching my cheeks and saying "You are next!" They stopped that when I started doing the same to them at funerals!"

     Don't let your worries get the best of you,   

     remember, Moses started out as a basket case.   

   
     
     Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited   

    until you try to sit in their pews.   

   
     
     Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.   

   
     
     It is easier to preach ten sermons than   

    it is to live one.   

   
     
     The good Lord didn't create anything without   

    a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.   

   
     
     When you get to your wit's end,   

    you'll find God lives there.   

   
     
     People are funny; they want the front of the bus,    

    the middle of the road, and the back of the church.   

   
     
    Opportunity may knock once, but temptation   

   bangs on your front door forever.   

   
     
    Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect,    

    you couldn't belong.   

   
     
    If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs    

    to pray for the one it has.   

   
     
    God Himself does not propose to judge a man   

    until he is dead. So why should you?   

   
     
     Some minds are like concrete thoroughly   

    mixed up and permanently set.   

   
     
     Peace starts with a smile.   

   
     
     I don't know why some people change churches;    

    what difference does it make which one you   

    stay home from?
     
     

     A lot of church members who are singing    

    "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting   

    on the premises.     

   
     
     We were called to be witnesses,  

   not lawyers or judges.   

   
     
     Be ye fishers of men.  You catch them -  

   He'll clean them.   

   
     
     Coincidence is when God chooses  

    to remain anonymous.     

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over
"religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not
protect
you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes
to..........discourage
him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever see:

1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.