Thursday, April 12, 2007
May I have a promotion, sir?
These are some real employee evaluations ! Unbelievable, but will have you rolling in your seat!
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3."This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
4 "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."
5 "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6."This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
8."This employee is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "HE doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13."I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
14. "He's been working with glue too much."
15."He would argue with a signpost."
16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
17."When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
18."If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other
one."
19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking
for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." (acutally
10 million and below is considered sterile)
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Greetings . I guess you are well on the way to packing for the UK ;-) but hope you find the following questions and answer session humours.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes university.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "divorce" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in university.
Every blessing
Richard
Posted by: Richard Bentall | Monday, April 16, 2007
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