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Sunday, July 29, 2007
We shall gather at the river...???
From an email...
A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor:
"If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river."
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it
and throw it in the river."
The congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and the rum in the world,
I'd take it all and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
After the sermon the preacher sat down.
The deacon stood up: "For our closing hymn," he announced,
"let us turn to page 126 and sing,
'We Shall Gather at the River.'"
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Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Hope for despairing parents!
Received this in an email...
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
"DON'T!"
"Don't what?"
Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "
said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "
said the Father.
"I don't know,"
said Eve.
"She started it! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly
tried to give children wisdom
and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO PANADOL"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
16:19 Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The squirrel problem!
from an email I got...
There were Five country churches in a small TEXAS town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church , the
Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do
about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they Determined that the squirrels
were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's
divine will..
In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the
baptistery and drown the squirrels in it.
The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice
as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a
position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the
Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the
squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic CHURCH came up with the best and most effective
solution.
They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one
squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't
seen a squirrel on the property since.
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Friday, July 13, 2007
Remember the duck?
There was a little boy and his sister visiting his grandparents on their farm. Johnny was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes" But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper." Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help" She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
My best friend's engagement
My best friend Vikram got engaged on the 28th of June. This is a picture of him and his fiancee, Preeti. He will be getting married in November so I promise to put up some pictures of an authentic Indian wedding for the readers of my blog titlled "my best friend's wedding" (I''ll get the distribution rights, just in case)
It beginning to feel a bit weird now...it just seems like everybody around me...all the guys I grew up with and many of my other friends are falling of the 'singlehood' tree..and I feel like the only one on the branch (a bit like that old '10 green bottles' song!) All around there are questions about when I intend to get married. (You must understand that India is a society where as soon as the guy has a decent job and is earning enough to support a family the parents start looking for a girl and he is then married off) My answer always is “why try to improve perfection?” I guess I'll just wait for God to 'open my eyes' that my situation needs improvement.
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Saturday, July 07, 2007
Apple's ad campaign
Think Different
(Apple Computer Ad Campaign)
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine. They heal.
They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.
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Monday, July 02, 2007
Back from the Himalayas
I am just back from a fantabulous holiday with the family in the Himalayas. It was 12 days of pure bliss... no computer, no mobile, hot water by the bucket, breakfast at 7:30 AM, lights off by 9 PM....wait a minute...did I just say bliss??? Yup initially, I couldn't imagine spending a week without my laptop and mobile phone. But what do you do when you are staying in the middle of a forest and the power is up for only an hour a day- that too by generator! I couldn't believe we were actually paying for this...an experience which many states in India offered for free...but by the end of the holiday I was thanking God for this incredible opportunity to be free of all the distractions of modern life and just spend quality QT in His presence. Just reading the Word, talking to the Father and most importantly- taking time out to listen. Basically it was an education in how not to do anything- something that has become a kind of last art in our times. I also learned that have an amazing capacity for sleep- is there a record anywhere for the longest sleep time because I think I may have broken it!
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